Childhood soulmate once blonde beautiful. Her face, bloated, grotesque ravaged by time, disease, medicine. Vague, blue eyes, straight, white teeth chopped chin like mine. Youth, brilliance gone. Delicate hands that once skimmed her piano’s keys. Muttered words to Voices that only she hears. Then a laugh a ceramic bell light, gay And I know my sister is in there, somewhere.
So, I said, “Sir, may I be of service?” He said, “And your age?’ I said, “I am twenty.” He said, “You must be celibate.” I said, “Excuse me. I don’t think so.”
So, I married and was faithful and things got bad and I was celibate. Well, sort of.
So, we divorced, and I was celibate and I became lonely and I was celibate well, sort of.
And I remained celibate well, sort of. And I got diabetes and became celibate for real.
So I said, “Sir, may I be of service? I am celibate.” And he said, “And your age?” I said, “Sixty-five” He radioed in, “Houston, we have a problem.”
moves away, in a van where I’ll never be, from impressions in the carpet pile where I rocked early moments of infants’ lives swaddled close so close so close and where they chattered near my stockinged feet to tiny friends and where Audrey said “My daddy loves me” and where l lean against a barren wall with a hollow echo and I rock a silent rock and I rock